We've got a midwife appointment on Wednesday this week at the star-studded Winshill Medical Centre, whose timing because it cuts the week in two, means I have a few days at home and don't travel until either Wednesday afternoon or Thursday.
For some reason I'm worried about the appointment, I don't know why really. Becky says there's nothing to worry about ... so I guess if she's happy then so should I be!
I keep seeing pregnant women everywhere I go now though. We went to IKEA in Nottingham last Saturday, and counted up to 15 expectant mothers ... everywhere we looked there were lumps and bumps, and people measuring up cots and changing tables!
Then last week when I was walking beside the Thames between, and I just kept noticing pregnant women. I couldn't help but stare at their shall we say "impending motherhood" for want of a better term, but was also extremely conscious of appearing to have a pregnancy kink. Last thing I need is my collar felt by the local gendarmes down there.
One thing I did see, that made me laugh, was on the way back to my car a small coloured girl ran across in front of me and onto this little pier by the Thames. I suddenly heard this South London caterwaul of "SHANIQUA!! SHANIQUA!! Don't go onto tha' f***ing pier, or you'll ge' a slap." I looked to my right and there was this vile, tenement-dwelling, chav teenage mum, smoking endless cigarettes between talon-like red nails, and surrounded by another 3 kids all under 3 years of age by the looks of it.
The names these pikeys give their kids ... Shaniqua, for goodness' sake! They make the names up, I'm willing to put money on it. I once saw on Ricki Lake (when I was a student) some great big vile beast called LaSheeba, who was on there it seemed to tell some scrawny little bloke with a mullet and bum-fluff moustache that "I got my own car, I got a job, and you ain't all that motherf***er". LaSheeba - is that not a make of cat food?
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